the eternal cage

I have a LOT of time to think every day (let's just say that my work doesn't require much brain power) but I guess my thought that I thought of was when I was driving home (or would that be as I drove home?) *shakes head* anyways, I was thinking about the cage that most of us are in (not a literal cage) what I mean is our jobs. I mean that I know a lot of people (at least where i work) hate their job (myself included sometimes) but I mean for all the complaining I hear does anyone try to leave? I'm not sure, and even some of the people I have seen who quit come right back to the job...isn't that strange? The very thing that some of these people hate, is what keeps them going (financially at least) but if they step out they get scared and they want to go back to the "security" found in the familiarity (aka the cage) I have known this before because after a change occurs in my life I usually find myself wanting to go back to the way things were...but the truth is that things ALWAYS change, we can't go through life wishing for our situations to stay the same, I won't go into full detail now but I think that I've found that the approach we should take to life is to not plan things out fully but be able to deal with things as they come up (improv) that way we stay sharp, or at least that's what I think. Phew, I can't write as much as Michelle, but I guess I don't have to...that's all I have now :)

*sigh*

I think it's starting to happen again, i'm pretty much back into the swing of things back at work, and with that comes...well I want to call it depression, but maybe it's just having to go back to normal, with the school year back in session, meaning that Jason is gone, my brother goes back to school, and my other local friend is back in school also....which leaves me alone...I dono, i guess I'm just not looking forward to this month...I wish there were an upswing...and I wish I had someone to talk with.

movies and christmas

It's so good to have a day where you don't really have to worry about stuff, by stuff I mean work. Have I ever told you that I don't like work now? Anyways, I just meant that Christmas is a great time where one can focus on what is worth focusing on, that is Family, Spiritual matters, and what is going on. I really feel renewed after having some good discussions with my Dad and my friend Jason, and also watching Return of the King and Voyage of the Dawn Treader (both very good movies but I'll let you guess which one was better!) but yeah, it's really good to see some good movies, I forget how much good Spiritual truth can be conveyed in film, seriously! I have more thoughts, but am going to close now because if I don't I'll ramble :P

after a long hiatus

well guys it's been a year (almost exactly) since I last posted, and I have got to say that for most of the time I actually forgot that I had a blog. The past can be an interesting thing, but it's not some place where I would what to live (or is that "when I would want to live"? call the grammar police!). Anyways the past is a good place ("when") to learn from, if you don't learn from your past (history) you are doomed to repeat it, am I wrong? I feel like a broken record sometimes. I guess a better way to put it is if you keep trying things the same way and not getting different results, why would you want to keep trying them the same way? For example if you can't reach "the lost" (how do you draw the line around who is "lost" and who isn't?) by preaching, why would you expect different results? (you in this post does not mean you the reader it is a vague straw man kind of you). You have to remember that everyone's "soil" is different, and that some people CANNOT hear the word of the Lord (almost literally). Think of children (it's almost a personal example for me since i work with them :)) you can tell them over and over and OVER again the same things and they won't get it. Why? It's because there is something in their spirit and emotions that prevents them from even wanting to listen. E.G. they probably feel like they are just being punished (and taken away from fun) and not being helped. What if there was more of a delving into what causes children (and "the lost" for that matter) not to be able to listen, what has happened in their past? Have they been burned by the church? Have they been molested and won't listen to an adult of the opposite gender? have they not heard what you're trying to tell them in a positive manner? Sometimes you have to be blunt like Gandalf, "I'm not trying to rob you, I'm trying to help you". If you're trying to tell someone about their freedom in Christ remember that their mind and heart must be free or else they cannot be free. well enjoy this post it may be another year until I post again :)

Weird?

So as any good college student would be doing, i am up on a Sunday morning doing my homework. Ok maybe that is not the truth. I have been doing my homework but have been inspired (don't read too much into that word ;) ) to write yet another exciting entry into the blog of mine that is seemingly becoming more of a journal.....I guess that is what a blog is for. I will try not to speak too much of myself....aka soapbox but I can't really speak of what I don't know or haven't experienced so yeah. I think that the condition of the church right now is both exciting and at the same time dangerous. Let me explain. While I am no expert at seeing the church "as a whole" because that is difficult (seeing as howing there are many many churches and I fear to tread where the Pope is worshipped...I mean recognized) But I do know what I have experienced from the churches here in Knoxville. I have been to almost every kind of church on the spectrum (more on the way the church is organized than the theological spectrum....but still variation in the latter). Let me first start with the most organized church I have been to. It is the Greek Orthodox Church (well technically is is a Greek Orthodox Church). It was highly organized (not just in the way that the church was led but how the service was led). I only went once, there was so much structure to the service that I wondered if there was even a time when they had tried to listen to the Holy Spirit. Everything that was done was either a prayer based on scripture (I believe they used their own version of the Book of Common Prayer) or on their long standing traditions (i.e. the parade of the icons). Let me say I really liked the liturgy, don't get me wrong. I enjoy that kind of thing. The Priest (I think that's what they're called in that tradition?) had a really good message, though it was short. However everything seemed to be pointed solely at the liturgy and not at God, liturgy for liturgy's sake. Now the second kind of church I have been to is actually probably about 5 churches...I call them all "Generic Christian Church", you know the "church of the first century" that is rooted in tradition from the 1800s? yes them. Now it should be known that I grew up in this traditon, just FYI. In some ways I have a real soft spot for these churches because I know that they were started with the intention to simplify things and to get back to the basics, that may have been what they started with but I think that they have stopped listening to what God has to say and have idolized a certain founder of their tradition...I know this sounds harsh but my school is also of this tradition, and i am less interested in what Alexander Campbell has to say and more interested in what the God of the Universe has to say. There is a more loose structure to the services of these churches (thank God), and there are things that are done in the name of fellowship (i.e. those dinners on sunday with the contractually obliged KFC chicken bucket, and wednesday nights), and I think it is interesting that these types of things are done for "community" but I wonder how many friendships are actually formed and how many lives are changed and how many are actually lived together....I'm not saying that they are not but these kind of things seemed forced to me....I feel like i'm running out of steam and would just be going more on a soap box than anything.....so I will finish later.

Yes

Culmination seems to be such a good word for the things that gone on with my life lately. It's like that now since I actively am praying and seeking God. It's like everything I've wanted and hoped for is coming true, only kind of. At the same time my desires and dreams are changing as I become more aware of who I am. There's so much that has been racing through my head...I can't even type it all out, but if you are reading this please pray for the following:
Girl
Community
China (???)
Overseas in general
Finishing school work

thanks

I don't even know what to call this...

All I can say is that God is moving, and I am super excited about it! If you read this and you have my phone number give me a call and I will tell you more about it. Hopefully I can put it into words.

Alex